4 Steps to Overcoming Painful Transition
Breakdowns. Messes. Painful transitions.
Some say every master was once a mess. And yet the very moment we experience the pain of that mess, those bittersweet and sometimes super sour downfalls, we feel the pain with deep resistance. We fight back and resist getting messy. We resist feeling it all.
Nobody signs up for a car accident with broken bones or cancer and chemo, because ‘hey, who you’ll be on the other side of it will be worth it.’
Regardless of what any ancient mystic, preacher or spiritual leader says. No one likes to be in the downward swing of life’s ever lasting pendulum. No one is fond of heartbreak or sadness or depression or frustration. No human that is.
As a society we’ve become intolerable to the pain of transformation. We deflect responsibility and suppress pain. We medicate and numb ourselves out of the game. Some drink. Whether it’s one glass of wine or 3 cups of coffee. Maybe its attaching ourselves to toxic relationships, hanging out with the wrong people just to fill a void.
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a dear friend and we were discussing the butterfly being the perfect symbol of transformation.
She shared with me how the caterpillar during its painful transformation, where the process is referred to as chrysalis, both nature and science strongly urge NOT to help the caterpillar in any way, leaving alone the caterpillar to its process.
Because during this metamorphosis, the dark exhausting struggle the caterpillar endures is where the STRENGTH of its soon to be wings are being DEVELOPED.
This blew my mind.
How perfectly nature reminds us that when it gets too dark, the Universe isn’t ignoring us, this is where our Creator or whatever Higher Power you believe in is actually developing us.
There are people that look at cancer dead in the face and say ‘nope, not me.’ And others feel defeated, resigned before they even try.
The sour moments of deep resistance have its purpose if and only if we stand with courage. If we fight and continue the struggle of our own chrysalis, we too may find our wings.
So how do we take a stand and embrace the struggle? How do we surrender to the resistance and submit ourselves to the inner fight within our alchemy?
Here are 4 steps to remind us of our light and the divine strength to get us to the other side of our metamorphosis.
- Check in.. speak and listen to your fears.
Check in with that small voice that’s screaming “I can’t.’ You know that voice that paralyzes with fear…the one shouting for the hills ‘why?! Why?!’ Check in and ask yourself what about this situation is scary.
- What is this fear trying to tell you?
- What about this change is frightening?
- What are you afraid to let go of?
- What part of you is afraid to change?
The more we presence these fears, the more these fears feel witnessed and acknowledged, giving them space to breath and be felt is when we give ourselves permission to drop the resistance. And simply be with it.
Easier said than done.. yes! That’s why it’s called a practice to bring awareness to each situation as an observer observing the moment, transforming each moment into a sacred opportunity.
2. Move your fears from faith knowing.
Hope is a weak prayer. It’s like meditating with one eye open. You hope when you don’t believe. You hope when you don’t trust. Faith is one step higher in the ladder. Faith reassures it’s going to be fine. It’ll work itself out if we stay in the game long enough. But KNOWING, knowing tells us it’s going to be more than fine. It’s going to be great. There’s a purpose to all of this and sometimes the purpose is simply moving through it. When we acknowledge the impermanence of any and every situation we reclaim our power of surrendering it all.
This is where you rise on the ladder from victim to alchemist. If the alchemist had known all the crazy uphill battles he would have faced he would have probably never sailed off in search of his treasure.
3. Surrendering means you let go and allow the Divine to flow.
We pray and pray for our situation to change, not understanding in the moment, that we were placed in those very situations to change us. These stories of metamorphosis become testimonies of what’s possible. Surrendering in many ways means trusting the Divine to pick up the load when it gets too crazy. Imagine the relationship between a mother and child that’s in harmony. When the load gets really heavy the mother leans in to support, and shares the load. The key lies in trusting yourself enough to ask for support, to yield, surrender and open up to the flow of abundance that’s swirling all around and within you. It’s only when we stop and open our eyes and arms that we can experience the magic that’s right in front of us.
4. One step at a time, doing our part, one foot in front of the other.
Yes the pain is real. The thoughts about what’s happening and what’s going to happen can seem daunting and scary. Transitions can happen so fast in the blink of an eye, or they can take their time like an ultra slow motion scene unraveling everything we knew that once felt so safe. Action though is the ultimate interruption. Feel it -yes! But give yourself a time limit and then get into action.
Ask yourself the following seven W’s:
- Who knows about this subject matter?
- Who has gone through this before?
- What can I do about this situation right now?
- What about this situation do I not have control over?
- Where can I learn more about possible solutions to this situation?
- Where can I go for support and/or more information?
- Where in my spiritual development can I grow from this?
Trust the storms in your life. The winds of change have such great purpose. Each season developing us into something greater. Trust the Source of your Divine strength. It’s the only thing the caterpillar remembered before morphing into a butterfly.